True love is always accompanied by the essential element of respect. In the Vietnamese tradition, husband and wife respect each other as honored guests—regarding each other as two precious guests—in order to maintain elegance, politeness, and to preserve love so that it does not become fractured. Thay uses the image of a nun as Snow White, carefully protected by the commander of the army of love; each person must be a solid refuge for the one they love, not allowing any coarse gesture to harm their love.

In The Tale of Kieu, the scene where Kim Trong and Thuy Kieu become betrothed and make vows still preserves many lessons about respect:

1. Thuy Kieu reminds, “Now that we see each other clearly, who knows if later this will all be but a dream”—affirming the value of each other’s presence.
2. When love shows signs of slackening, Kieu immediately asks Kim Trong to sit up straight, to maintain propriety so that “tomorrow we will not lose each other.”

Love, friendship, or the relationship between parent and child all need to be fully recognized today; otherwise, they will be nothing but a dream.

Thay begins by exploring the six mantras of love, which are practiced in Plum Village and can also be applied to a lay environment. Further, Thay explains different aspects, functions and names of consciousness according to Buddhist psychology. He elucidates how, as meditation practitioners, we can re-educate manas (the seventh consciousness) to free this aspect of consciousness from its wrong perceptions. Thay concludes by touching on the subject of retribution (vipaka), reminding us that we are the results of our actions and that, with mindfulness, it is possible to transform our unwholesome thoughts, words and deeds into wholesome ones, bringing happiness to ourselves and others.

This is the tenth talk in a series of thirteen given during The Science of the Buddha , twenty-one-day retreat in the year 2012. Thay offered this talk at Lower Hamlet, Plum Village, France.

The Ministry of Education encourages two directives: to help students develop their critical thinking and their holistic development. With critical thinking, students (and teachers) will ask, “Why is the curriculum so heavy?”, since it fails to address their real suffering—violence, fear, anger, despair—and their deepest needs: 1) to love and be loved, and 2) to understand. Using the Buddha’s Simsapa‐leaves story, only what truly “helps your transformation, your healing, your happiness” should be offered first; other knowledge comes later. By touching each student’s seed of curiosity and love, studying and teaching become a joy.

To meet these needs, practice the Four Mindfulness Trainings on a collective level:

1. Organize national “deep listening” sessions (inviting educators, legislators, wise people) so victims of injustice can “empty their heart” while the whole country witnesses.
2. Transform the classroom into a Sangha—a family where teacher and students share their sufferings and joys through listening and loving speech.
3. Hold retreats (even three days) that turn 700-plus strangers into a family by eating, breathing, walking, and sharing in small groups.
4. Include children—inviting them to focus on a flower, a drop of dew, a rainbow, or their parents’ hands—and teach them mindfulness from age three or four.

Thay offers four mantras of love to strengthen relationships:

1. “Darling, I am really here for you.”
2. “Darling, I know you are there, alive, and I am very happy.”
3. “Darling, I know you suffer. That is why I am here for you.”
4. “Darling, I suffer, and I want you to know it. Please help.”

For the fourth mantra, write it on a credit-card-sized peace note of three sentences:
• “Darling, I suffer, and I want you to know it.”
• “I am doing my best.”
• “Please help me.”

When anger or misunderstanding last over twenty-four hours, deliver this note (or say it) to avoid punishment, invite deep listening, transform wrong perceptions, and heal the relationship.

This talk is about love—the necessity to love, the need to love. It begins with the questions asked by Maitreya, the future Buddha of love: Is there anyone happy on earth? Is there anyone who can understand pairs of opposites without getting stuck? Who deserves the title ‘great human being’? Love is often a search to fill a feeling of emptiness, a belief that we lack basic goodness, beauty, and truth. This kind of love is based on fear—fear that the object of our love is an illusion, and fear of impermanence. We try to live up to an image, using spiritual and moral cosmetics, which leads to a feeling of being unworthy.

True love is discovered when we touch the real energy of goodness and beauty in another, which gives us a chance to touch it within ourselves. The Buddha discovered upon his enlightenment that everyone has the capacity to love and understand, yet we let ourselves sink in suffering. A good teacher helps you discover the teacher within, because you have everything you need. The Buddha taught four elements of true love:

1. Maitrī (loving kindness), which brings beauty.
2. Karuṇā (compassion), which brings infinite space and transforms suffering.
3. Muditā (joy), which brings limitless consciousness.
4. Upekṣā (equanimity or freedom), which brings “nothing at all,” meaning you have everything.

The happy person is a “man or a woman of nothing,” not caught in pairs of opposites like being and non-being, or birth and death. This is illustrated with the story of the two insight gathas from the Fifth and Sixth Zen Patriarchs. The first gatha is practical: “The body is like a bodhi tree. The mind is like a bright mirror. And that is why every day you have to remove, to take care of the mirror so that the dust of the world will not be able to cover the light.” The second is transcendental: “Body originally is not a tree. The bright mirror is not really a mirror. Since the very beginning, nothing has existed. Where, and then where the dust can fix themselves on?” Without the practical, daily mindfulness of the first poem, the deep insight of the second may not be very helpful.

The details of this discussion include the art of loving by following the teachings of Maitreya, the Buddha of love, by practicing mindfulness and meditation to transform inner pain into peace and happiness. The five elements of our being - physical form, sensation, perception, mental formations, and consciousness - constitute our inner territory, to be managed with care. Mindfulness helps to avoid toxic elements such as fear and confusion. It is essential to return to oneself, practice mindfulness through walking and breathing, understand and cultivate inner peace, love oneself to love others. Conscious consumption and avoiding negative influences from the media are key to protecting mental and physical health. Honest communication and mutual understanding are crucial to avoid suffering. Meditation helps to transform hatred and confusion into compassion. Cultivate positive seeds such as understanding and tolerance, recognize interconnectedness with loved ones, and use meditative practices to realize true nature and act with wisdom and love towards others.

Thay shows how we can use The Six Pāramitās, six means to deepen our practice and our connections with Sangha. Practising these six pāramitās can break the cycle of our suffering to bring us to the other shore of non-fear. Thay uses examples from his own life, from family and from society to illustrate the wonderful effects of buddhist practice, particularly of generosity, of deep listening and meditation. Enriched by the Heart Sutra, we can practice the Five Mindfulness Trainings with our Sangha, increasing our inclusivity and opening our hearts.

This is the last talk in a series of five given during the To Be, To Be Free, To Be Happy retreat, in the year 1997. Thay offered this talk at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, United States.