Mindful Parenting

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Curated by Nicola Escario
Last update December 16, 2025
Thich Nhat Hanh July 23, 2002 Vietnamese

Nourishing Love Together

Love is a living being that needs to be cared for and nourished every day; when it is unwell, mindfulness is the “medicine” for healing. Parents and loved ones must be like gardeners: recognizing wholesome seeds—intelligence, freshness, self-sacrifice, courage—and watering them with words of praise, acts of care, and avoiding “unwholesome programs” or alcohol that can sow seeds of fear and hatred.

Caring for love requires the harmonious cooperation of the three karmas and a clear understanding of the five skandhas that make up a human being, so that we may first love ourselves and then truly love others:

  • The three karmas:
    1. Right thinking (understanding, recognizing positive seeds—wrong thinking sows suffering)
    2. Right speech (loving speech that nurtures wholesome values)
    3. Right action (acts of care and protection)
  • The five skandhas: form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, consciousness—contemplating to understand clearly our feelings, perceptions, and habits

True love is also the sharing of responsibility to transform negative seeds in our loved ones, standing by their side as a companion, not judging but practicing mindfulness together. Parents, before starting a family, should practice for at least one year to obtain a “certificate of happiness,” establishing a foundation of peace for the family, and at the same time building a sangha—a wholesome environment—as a refuge for young people to stay away from violence, drugs, and hatred, and to continue nurturing enduring love.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Sangha Member October 15, 2007 English

Questions and Anwers

Thich Nhat Hanh welcomes the Sangha to a morning Q&A session divided into three groups—children first, then teenagers, and finally adults—and explains that a good question arises from the heart, touches our happiness, suffering, or practice, need not be long, and may be submitted in writing; participants are invited to sit around Thay, signal readiness with the sound of a bell, then breathe together before asking.

Children’s questions:

  1. What should I do when other children tease me?
  2. When you were young, what did you like about the Buddhist monks that made you decide you wanted to become one?

Teenagers’ question:

  1. “The joy I feel when walking, breathing, or chanting with mindful concentration is not the joy I feel when eating rich food or indulging in comforts—what are the types of joy and what are their natures?”

Adults’ questions:

  1. How do you give all those long Dharma talks and speeches without getting scared?
  2. What inspired you to write books?
  3. How do you deal with and overcome fear?
  4. How can I reconcile working for environmental and social justice in New York City—with its speed and need to move people and protect community gardens—while holding mindful practice?
  5. How do I honor the suffering of the boat people and feel peace and happiness as well?
  6. Once a being passes away, does its knowledge go to waste?
  7. For people who are adopted and don’t know their parents or who have traumatic relationships with them, how can they connect with their parents in meditation?
  8. How can I help others access their true self as a life coach when the ultimate teaching is that there is no self?
  9. What advice do you have for parents who want to raise their children to be more mindful and compassionate?
Thich Nhat Hanh November 4, 1997 English

50 Verses

Thay’s teachings on Buddhist Psychology during the November 2-9, 1997 Retreat at Key West, Florida, USA, focus on the theme of Buddhist psychology. On Day 3, November 4, 1997, Thay teaches on the first eight verses of the Fifty Verses on Buddhist Psychology, exploring the nature of the flower and the garbage, the transformation of flowers, and the nature of Interbeing between pairs of opposites such as enlightenment and illusion, which do not exclude each other and are always present.

Thay discusses Dukka, or suffering, as the first of the Four Noble Truths, emphasizing the need to recognize ill-being and understand its nature. The teachings from the Fifty Verses include:

  1. Mind as a field in which every kind of seed is sown, likened to a gardener or the earth that holds and maintains everything together, highlighting the function of Alaya.
  2. The infinite variety of seeds, including those of samsara, illusion, nirvana, suffering, delusion, and enlightenment, and the transformation of samsara and suffering.
  3. Seeds manifesting as body and mind, realms of beings, stages, and worlds within our consciousness, known as store consciousness, including the six sense organs, six objects of the sense organs, six kinds of sense consciousness, the Eighteen Realms of Beings, the three worlds (form, desire, and non-form), and the ten stages of the bodhisattva.
  4. Seeds that are innate, handed down by ancestors, sown in the womb, or during childhood, questioning their origin and permanence.
  5. The nature of seeds as both individual and collective, transcending the pair of opposites, illustrated through metaphors such as a bus and its passengers, and a candle’s brightness, exploring concepts of self and non-self.
  6. The quality of life depending on the quality of seeds in our consciousness.
  7. The function of store consciousness to receive, maintain, and manifest seeds, likened to an ocean receiving many rivers, and the training of positive energy and habits.
  8. The perception of Alaya as a field within themselves, representations, or mere images included in the 18 realms of being, with teachings on the field of representation, the field of things in themselves, and the field of mere image.

The session concludes with a short teaching on suffering and relationships, addressing seeds of loyalty and betrayal and dealing with situations that are not to one’s liking.

Note: this description was automatically sourced from existing YouTube descriptions and other sources. Please ‘Suggest Edit’ if it’s incorrect.

Thich Nhat Hanh April 29, 2002 Vietnamese

Watering the Seeds of Goodness

We must preserve the happiness of our family and our personal dignity; if we cannot establish communication with our children and our partner, it will be a deep source of shame (tàm). The Tale of Kieu reminds us: “Later, why should you be ashamed before your beloved? You did not keep yourself pure from the beginning,” and the story of Ta Con—the Cao family girl who broke her shuttle while weaving to preserve her chastity—affirms the importance of protecting our purity so that we do not feel ashamed before ourselves and our loved ones.

The sources of energy that help us transform our family by our own strength in just a week or ten days:

  1. faith
  2. sense of shame (tàm)
  3. sense of respect (quý)

The method to transform suffering is through loving speech and deep listening, not by punishing but by understanding the other person’s difficulties. For example, words that express love:

  • A father says to his child: “I know you are suffering, you are feeling stuck. Please tell me so I can help you.”
  • A wife says to her husband: “Dear, I know there is a lot of difficulty and suffering in you. I feel very sad for you. Do you think there is something I can do to help ease your suffering?”

Sitting quietly and listening, using the eyes of love and the nectar of compassion, we become the embodiment of Avalokiteshvara, opening the door of our heart, ending the cycle of punishment and increasing suffering.