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Do Not Be a Victim of Your Pride
According to the peace treaty in Plum Village, every time we get angry or suffer, we commit to telling the other person that we suffer and need their help. This agreement—best made during peaceful, pleasant moments and ideally in the presence of the Sangha—enables mutual support and prevents prolonged suffering.
In Vietnamese tradition, daily ancestral worship on a home altar reminds us to touch our roots and report all family events to our ancestors. The tragic story of Mr. Trương and the Nam Xương lady shows how a child’s misperception of his mother’s shadow, combined with pride and a refusal to communicate, led to fatal misunderstanding and unbearable suffering.
To free ourselves from wrong perception and anger, we practice questioning our certainty—Are you sure?—and honor our vow to confess our suffering: Darling, I suffer. Please help. Please explain why you have done or said that to me. This simple method dissolves pride, restores communication, and transforms suffering.