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How to Help the Other Person Change
The Xom Trung Temple has been named Phap Mai (Phap for France, Mai for Plum Village), with its full name being Dieu Phap Mai Hoa Kinh. The grounds will be transformed into a Vietnamese temple with daily rice and noodle meals, a vegetable garden with all kinds of herbs (aromatic herbs, coriander, perilla, Vietnamese balm, etc.), and the future abbot will be a lovely monk or nun invited to reside there.
When couples, or parents and children, encounter suffering, they often blame “the other person for not being lovable,” but in fact, we ourselves also contribute to each other’s suffering. The Buddha teaches that in order to change the other person, we must begin by transforming our own suffering. In the five-day retreats, practitioners practice:
- sitting meditation and walking meditation to recognize their own suffering and that of their loved ones
- mindful breathing and watering the seeds of understanding and love
- practicing “loving speech” through words of praise, gratitude, and apology
-
practicing reconciliation by making phone calls (even until midnight if necessary)
The result: in just five days, long-standing conflicts can be resolved, the door of the heart can be opened again, and we can help each other move from the “hell of suffering” to the “heaven of happiness.” Children also find spiritual nourishment to replace meaningless games. In family life, practicing the Three Refuges and the Five Mindfulness Trainings helps maintain love and gratitude, and prevents the storms of separation.
