We can't find the internet
Attempting to reconnect
Something went wrong!
Hang in there while we get back on track. If this problem persists help us by reporting it so we can investigate it.
Watch this talk
Login or create a free account to watch this talk and discover other teachings from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.
Log in or create an account
Kiyosato Retreat Day 3 — Recovring Human Relations
People often hide their suffering out of pride, and without mindfulness, these deep roots are ignored until tragedy occurs. As parents pass seeds of happiness and suffering to their children, marriage is a great responsibility that requires training to recognize these internal formations. Although partners vow to make each other happy, unseen forces often compel them to act in ways that water seeds of suffering, eventually transforming love into hate. Mindfulness reveals that responsibility is shared, as both parties have responded to pain with anger and a lack of understanding.
To restore communication, one must practice deep listening, also known as compassionate listening. Embodied by the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, this practice requires listening with the sole purpose of relieving the other’s suffering, without judgment or the need to argue the truth. This creates a safe space for the other to open their heart. Understanding (prajna) is the foundation of true love (maitri and karuna); without it, love becomes a prison where the other person has no space to radiate like a flower.
Breaking the cycle of samsara—where unfulfilled parents project dreams onto children who later repeat the same patterns—requires cutting through the wheel with mindfulness. One must overcome pride and ask for help in understanding the other person, inquiring if their love has unintentionally caused suffering. Right speech, or loving speech, treats the other as a friend (mitra) and an equal. Even without formal vows, the sincere practice of mindful breathing and deep listening has the power to reconcile relationships and transform family suffering into harmony.
