禪師，各位法師，各位同修，大家好。

The question I I'm going to raise, well, before, I would consider it as a very private thing.

當然我以前也有在一些談修的場合談到這樣的問題，可是沒有這麼，可是今天算是一種比較大型的場合，甚至還有錄影。

Well, well, before, I I I have had raised this question in in other retreat in other retreat, but not like this time, so many people, even we are recorded.

因為剛剛禪師也有談到說，我們不敢談出來，是因為我們內心的那個不夠敞開，所以我今天很勇敢的，我就把它敞開來，要談。

Okay. Uh, well, Thay said that, uh, if if we dare not to talk about the things in in our heart, it's because we are not open enough. So today, I I decide I want to talk it public.

因為從第一天到現在為止，我們在上很多課程，它都會觸動到我今天要問的這個內心的問題。

Okay. Uh, many of Thay's teaching and our activity, uh, touch this question in deep in me.

因為我小時候差不多六歲的時候，就送給我自己親的姨媽當小孩。

When I was six years old, I was sent to my aunt as her child.

那時候，因為還小，然後在我們求學的階段，要送戶口名簿到學校去登記種種的資料的時候，我們那時候早期的戶政，下面你的，你的那個出生別，他就會寫個養女兩個字。

Well, in in in my time, uh, in our ID, uh, card or ID document, uh, I I I was marked adopt daughter.

因為在早期，我們對這個養女兩個字都是一種很不光彩的一個負面的名詞，後來我長大了，我知道不是這個樣子。

Well, well, in my time, uh, the the term adopted daughter is quite a, uh, negative one, was low value.

那當然我那時候被送走，也不是被拋棄，而是早期我們台灣的社會，每個家庭生活都不是很富裕，然後家裡小孩子也多，然後我就是排航在中間，當然理所當然，我會被選擇到。

Well, I was sent away because, well, uh, our family has many many children, and I I'm the middle one. So, so it's, well, at that time, because, um, uh, economic is is not so well, so I'm, it's quite reasonable. I I was sent away, and I I was not abandoned.

後來長大，這件事情就慢慢的淡忘，我以為他真的是從我內心中連根拔除掉了，可是沒有。

Well, well, when I grown, when I grow up, I I thought that this, uh, this thing, uh, is is gone gone away, but after, I feel, no, it's still there, that that difficulty, that sadness still in me.

因為從我們這一次的上課，我們有講到所謂的意識，就是 mind and 跟那個藏識 store，裡面的種子，我覺得我那一顆種子還存在。

Well, I feel that that seed, uh, of of the fact that that I was sent away, that sadness, uh, is still in my store consciousness.

包括我們昨天在做接觸大地的時候，我們要去還給我們的祖先，我不曉得我要去找我哪一方面，哪一邊的祖先來給他報恩，或是把我的負面能量給排出去，我非常的迷惑。

So yesterday, when we practice touching the earth, I was so confused. I I I don't know I belong to which, uh, lineage, who who are my ancestor.

包括今天早上我們在坐禪的時候，我們去喚醒我們的母親，好，包括說把我們的母親從他五歲、七歲、九歲，父親也是這樣子把它喚醒出來，一起同遊，或一起去感恩他，或去同同理心跟他一起痛苦，我也不曉得我要去找哪一邊的父母來做這樣子的練習。

Yeah, yeah, the same, uh, this morning when when we, uh, contemplate on on the, uh, little child in in me, the little child of my mom, of my dad, I I'm confused. I don't know who are, uh, who are they.

在我求學的過程中，我也知道，我們中國人都說養育之恩大於生育之恩，又因為這樣子的教條，我也一直在不曉得我要怎麼去處理它。

I I'm also confused about, uh, well, in our culture, we are teach that the the parents who raise us up, their their, uh, they are even more benefactors than the parents who give me life.

所以每次當我接觸到這樣子心靈非常深處的禪修的時候，這樣子的種子，它又萌發出來了。

Okay. So every time when I do meditation and get, uh, get in touch with with those, uh, with with deep my heart and these kinds of seeds of confusion comes, uh, come up again.

它讓我產生非常的不安定性，不確定性，我非常需要禪師，你幫我開導，我要如何是處理這樣的問題。

Well, because of this, I feel so unstable, not in peace. So, uh, Thay, please help me.

Thank you.

There are people who still have their parents alive, uh, their, they know the name of their ancestors. They, but they cannot connect with with them.

那有些人他們父母健在，他也清楚自己的祖祖先是誰，但是他又可能他沒有辦法跟他們連接。

But there are those of us who have not seen our father and mother or ancestors, but we feel connected with them.

但是我們有人是我們不曉得自己的父母是誰，沒有見過，然後也不曉得自己祖先是誰，就是那些具體的名字，但是我們卻可以跟他們連接。

And there is much less confusion than the other group of people who who know the names, who have met their parents, their ancestors, but but do have not have a real connection.

就是即使我們並不跟，呃，並不知道自己的父母或不知道自己的祖先，但是並不影響我們去跟他們產生真真正的，去跟他們產生連連接，不是一定要具體的知道他們才才能夠連接。

In order to, uh, to get connected, well, names and, uh, and pictures and images are not enough.

If you want to know about your ancestors, the best thing is to look into yourself, because you, your body, and your mind have all the information about your ancestors. If you look deeply into your body, your feelings, your perceptions, your mental formations, and then you will see your parents and your ancestors very clearly, very deeply.

You are a continuation of your parents and your ancestors. You look very much like them. So to examine oneself, to look deeply and to get in touch with yourself deeply, and then there will be no more confusion, and you will know who your parents are and your ancestors are. It's like when you look into a flower deeply, you can recognize the cloud, the sunshine, the soil, everything in the flower.

And if you remove the sunshine, the cloud, the soil, the minerals, there's no flower left. So if you remove your father, your mother, your ancestors from you, there will be no you left. So when you look at yourself, you see father, mother, ancestors, the whole lineage. That is the Buddhist practice of contemplation that can help us liberate ourselves from that kind of confusion and suffering.