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Dharma talk at Ling Guang Temple, dùng cơm & Chupj hình

Thich Nhat Hanh · November 28, 2002 · China

There are three conditions of happiness: health, success, and relationship. Regarding health, the Buddha taught how to eat, drink, and work to maintain physical and mental well-being, acting as a doctor to cure craving, anger, and jealousy. Success is not defined by wealth, power, fame, or sex, which often lead to deep suffering and loneliness, but by the capacity to transform the affliction within. True success generates understanding and compassion, allowing one to help others suffer less. The third element, relationship, requires skillful practice to avoid causing suffering to beloved ones and to maintain open communication.

To restore harmony, one must overcome the tendency to punish others through cruel words or cold silence. Reflecting on the impermanence of loved ones—asking if one would suffer if the other person died—shifts the perspective from anger to cherishing. Hugging meditation is introduced as a practice to reconnect, involving joining palms, breathing mindfully, bowing, and holding the other person while generating mindfulness and concentration to acknowledge that the beloved is still alive. Communication is further restored through two specific methods:

  1. Loving speech: Using gentle language to admit one’s own lack of skill in the past and asking the other to express their heart to avoid future mistakes.
  2. Deep listening: The practice of Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, which aims solely to help the other person suffer less by listening with compassion, without judgment, reaction, or criticism, even if the other person speaks with wrong perceptions.

A practical exercise involves writing down all the good qualities of the person one is angry with. While anger obscures these qualities, focusing on them transforms perception and leads to reconciliation, often through writing a letter expressing appreciation. This practice benefits not only the individual but also parents and ancestors, who are alive in every cell of the body. The talk concludes with instruction on walking meditation to manifest the Pure Land in the here and now, using the words “I have arrived, I am home” to cultivate solidity and freedom.

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