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Establishing Communication
There are deep conflicts between fathers and sons, husbands and wives, when they cannot look at each other or speak, because within their hearts have accumulated internal formations—blocks of suffering in the mind created by our own ignorance and clumsiness, or by the other person. Internal formations arise and pile up over time, making us afraid to meet again, causing communication to be blocked, and the happiness of the past to disappear. To untie these internal knots, we need a new way of living and speaking: every Friday evening, the family sits together in silence, calming body and mind with the breath, holding a single flower, and then each person shares their pain. When speaking, use a gentle voice, without reproach, saying that you need your child (or you need your spouse), to open the heart for looking deeply, to apologize or clarify misunderstandings. This practice of renewal has helped many couples and fathers and children reconcile after just a few days of practice.
In the Buddhist tradition and Vietnamese culture, there is a form of nonverbal communication using incense, called communication by incense, which helps connect souls deeply. In the temple, there are five kinds of sacred incense representing the Five Mindfulness Trainings of a Buddhist practitioner—called super incense—which are:
- The incense of precepts
- The incense of concentration
- The incense of insight
- The incense of liberation
- The incense of liberated understanding
Lighting these five kinds of incense with a true way of living—keeping the Five Mindfulness Trainings: not killing, not stealing, not engaging in sexual misconduct, not speaking to cause harm, not consuming toxins—is to offer to the Buddha a fragrance more precious than any external incense. At the same time, the daily practice of lighting incense on the ancestral altar—cleaning the altar, lighting a stick of incense, standing silently for a minute—helps us maintain our spiritual roots, not be isolated, and sustain communication with the past so that we may live peacefully and build a future.
Part of the following collection
The Ancestral Altar and the Five Kinds of Transcendent Incense