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Family Happiness 2
The two great distances between Vietnamese refugee parents and their children living in the West are the generational gap and the cultural gap. Language reflects different ways of thinking: Vietnamese people say “I go to the market and return,” while Westerners say “I return from the market”; music creates further boundaries when parents enjoy cải lương or opera, while their children only listen to modern music; ways of receiving guests and topics of conversation—such as the past or the homeland—do not attract the younger generation, so both sides often sit apart, seeking peace through the TV or with friends.
The solution lies in the practice of mindfulness and spending quality time to bridge these two gaps. Wisdom (prajñā) helps us deeply understand the roots of suffering in both parents and children, thereby bringing forth love (maitrī) and transforming suffering (karuṇā). To “not act as a police officer but only as a companion” requires: 1) time to truly listen to each other; 2) genuine understanding, asking about memories, dreams, and suffering; 3) repentance and apology when we have been unskillful. Only when there is enough time and the practice of looking deeply can parents and children rebuild the bridge of understanding and preserve the happiness of the family.