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From Sexual Desire to Loving Kindness, Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity
Love arises from two deep needs of human beings: the need to understand and the need to love. On the physiological level, love is associated with sexual desire and the purpose of continuing the species through sexual reproduction, but pleasure is only a supporting means, not the ultimate goal. Practitioners also have the need to be “parents” by transmitting the Dharma to their disciples, fulfilling the function of continuation without relying on sexuality.
True love requires ethics and precepts—especially the Third Precept: one should not enter into a sexual relationship without deep love, long-term commitment, and the aspiration to continue the family line. The oneness of body and mind in Buddhism reminds us to respect both the body and mind of the other person, not allowing ourselves to become a commodity for consumption by desire. When choosing a life partner, we need time to observe whether that person has the capacity to understand, love, respect, and take care of us, not just relying on outward appearance.
Before making a lifelong commitment, practice the Four Immeasurable Minds so that love may grow ever wider and more enduring:
- Maitri (loving-kindness): bringing happiness to both
- Karuna (compassion): relieving each other’s suffering
- Mudita (sympathetic joy): sharing mutual joy
- Upeksha (equanimity): letting go of selfishness, living for the happiness of the collective
