What Our First Love Teaches Us About Ourselves

Thầy reads a note from Sangha member and author Natalie Goldberg, who suggests that practitioners write about their first love. Reflecting on this, Thầy shares that deep practice would be difficult, or even impossible, without the Sangha. He emphasizes that developing interpersonal relationships within the community is the key to success in the practice; without this connection, transformation is unlikely. In a healthy Sangha, transformation happens naturally and without effort. Therefore, Sangha building—accomplished through understanding and caring for each member—is the most important practice for a Dharma teacher.

Thầy explores the roots of the bodhisattva’s practice as described in the Ugradatta Sūtra. He highlights the importance of bodhicitta in Mahāyāna Buddhism—the aspiration for the enlightenment of all beings. Thầy notes that the Buddha intended for laypeople to practice alongside monastics, citing Vimalakīrti (Ugradatta in a former life) as a lay bodhisattva whose practice on behalf of all beings surpassed that of many monks and nuns. He also discusses how the Lotus Sutra, with its focus on reconciliation and love, was pivotal in the development of the Mahāyāna tradition.

Sharing deeply from his own life, Thầy recounts falling in love with a young nun. He recognizes that this love actually began at age nine, when he first encountered an image of the Buddha on a magazine cover. He describes the feelings of unrest that followed and his efforts to understand these emotions through poetry. Thầy shares how his desire for an “Engaged Buddhism” that could help society was also born at that young age, inspired by articles he read in that same Buddhist magazine.

Thầy recounts his attempt to tell the nun he loved her and how, despite his skill with words, he found himself unable say it. However, the following morning, she shared that she understood and was also swept up in that powerful storm. Thầy concludes by reading the first love poem he wrote following that encounter.

This is the third talk in a series of thirteen giving during the Looking Deeply in the Mahāyāna Tradition, twenty-one-day retreat in the year 1992. Thầy offered this talk at the Lower Hamlet, Plum Village, France.

These teachings later appear in the book Cultivating the Mind of Love.