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Speaking to Young People
When encountering conflict between personal love and the opinions of parents, we should not see it as a battle of right and wrong, but rather as two perspectives on the same flower of the heart. Happiness is not a private, individual matter, but belongs to the whole family, the whole lineage; if parents or children suffer, true happiness is not possible. According to the teachings of the Buddha, we need patience, to sit together in calmness, speak truthfully, and listen with a peaceful heart in order to cultivate mutual understanding. The example of a family in Texas shows that only sincere listening and shared experience (deep looking over six months) can help both sides see the true nature of each other, develop collective insight, and move toward harmony.
To build a lasting relationship, the only path is sympathy and understanding. The steps of practice include:
- Applying loving speech – gentle, respectful words instead of authority
- Practicing deep listening – listening wholeheartedly, not letting words drift away like the wind
- Organizing family meetings according to the “unwritten constitution” so both sides can present their views and direct experiences
- Practicing deep looking – giving each other opportunities to meet many times, living together for at least six months so the truth can reveal itself and the insight of the whole family can be nourished
In matters of interracial or interfaith marriage, the same method should be applied: maintaining one’s own tradition but learning and sharing sincerely, together exploring the deeper values instead of holding on to prejudice. Only when we know how to contemplate deeply and practice democracy in the family can we end unnecessary suffering and attain lasting happiness.