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The Two Practices of Taking Refuge in Oneself
Sometimes we need to be still, to withdraw from the noisy world in order to nourish our peace. The true place of refuge is not in a private room or in external objects, but within our own mind, called the island within, where there is a clear stream, fresh water, gentle trees, and the song of birds. By practicing mindful breathing, sitting meditation, walking meditation, and eating in silence, we water the seeds of peace already present, creating a fresh and clear space so that whenever we are tired, we only need to return to our breath to maintain our calm amidst the noisy society. At the same time, we need to build a Sangha—a community of practice—among family and friends to support each other, because “a tiger without its pack will be defeated,” and so that our peace does not fade away.
In order to transform suffering and build true communication in the family, Thay teaches two main Dharma doors:
- Listening with compassion (compassionate listening)
- Speaking with loving speech
Whether we are father, mother, child, or spouse, when we sit and listen with mindful breathing and speak with gentle words, we help the other person suffer less and restore trust. Success in the family, as in the example of the Catholic lady in America, comes from absorbing the “nectar of the Dharma”—recognizing that both are suffering, both have made mistakes, both need help, and both need to practice together to heal the wounds, to rediscover love and responsibility for each other.