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Healing the Wounds in the Family
Love, like any living being, if not nourished with “food” every day, will gradually die: each day we need to learn the art of nourishing love so that we ourselves are healthy, full of love, and able to offer it to others. When we see our relationship with our parents, spouse, or children as if it has died even though they are still alive, that is a sign that we have let our love be extinguished. If we do not wake up in time, and only weep when that person has passed away, it is often not out of longing for love but out of regret. The teachings of the Buddha and the practice of mindfulness and meditation help us revive the love we thought was dead, bringing back to life the fire of love buried under ashes.
To build and protect the happiness of both ourselves and our family, we need to combine three powers of a practitioner—not only for monastics but also for lay people:
- The virtue of letting go (knowing how to cut off the roots of craving, anger, and ignorance)
- The virtue of wisdom (deep looking to untangle suffering)
- The virtue of gratitude (the capacity to forgive, to embrace those who are difficult to love)
When conflict arises, three sentences of loving speech should be practiced immediately to revive love:
- I am angry, I am suffering, and I want you to know this.
- I am practicing to the best of my ability as a practitioner.
- Please help me; perhaps I have not been able to untangle all of these feelings on my own.
The Art of Transforming Difficulties in the Family