In Being with Busyness, Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and journalist and leadership coach Jo Confino examine how mindfulness can help the modern diseases of busyness, overwhelm, and burnout.
Life waits patiently for true heroes.
It is dangerous when those aspiring to be heroes cannot wait until they find themselves. When aspiring heroes have not found them-selves, they are tempted to borrow the world’s weapons—money, fame, and power—to fight their battles.
These weapons cannot protect the inner life of the hero. To cope with fears and insecurities, the premature hero has to stay busy all the time.
The destructive capacity of nonstop busy-ness rivals nuclear weapons and is as addictive as opium. It empties the life of the spirit.
False heroes find it easier to make war than deal with the emptiness in their own souls.
- Thich Nhat Hanh (Fragrant Palm Leaves)
The Ripple Effect of Busyness and the Need for Boundaries
Jo Confino: In Part I, we focused on the condition of busyness that pervades all aspects of life, highlighting how one person’s busyness spreads to others, just like a stone thrown into a pond sends ripples in all directions. Our society is like a pond into which countless stones are being thrown all at once. How can we respond?
One way to prevent overwhelm and burnout is by creating healthy boundaries. Without the ability to assert our needs, stress builds as demands come from all directions. To cope, we might withdraw entirely or lash out at perceived threats, triggering a fight-or-flight response. This delicate balance between openness and protecting oneself is akin to a boat navigating a narrow channel, avoiding sharp rocks that could cause disaster.
A schoolteacher once shared the struggle of balancing kindness and compassion with the need to assert boundaries with students. Many, including myself, grapple with this. Conflict aversion can lead to smoothing things over at the expense of my own emotions, leaving unresolved feelings that fester over time. For me, this stems from a pattern of fearing exclusion and wanting to please others. Changing this is an ongoing practice of self-compassion and setting boundaries, which helps heal old wounds and prevent future suffering.
Cultivating the Warrior Energy Within
Jo Confino: Alongside compassion, we all carry seeds of clarity and firmness—the warrior within us. This energy allows us to wield our understanding as a sword, cutting through illusion. Traditional Asian temple gates often depict two protectors: one a kind bodhisattva with a sword, and the other a fierce demon. Both symbolize energies we can embody depending on what is most skillful in a given moment.
When faced with challenges, we must ask, “How much kindness can I offer? How stable am I right now?” Sometimes, stating a need for space or boundaries is the most compassionate act for ourselves and others. Love, compassion, and stability are living energies that grow through practice and mindfulness. Our response depends on where we are in our journey and how much strength we have to draw upon.
Saying No and Embracing the Middle Way
Brother Phap Huu: We must be honest about our capacity, which sometimes means saying “no.” In Zen practice, “no” becomes a mantra that helps us recognize our habits and state of mind. This connects to Right Diligence in the Noble Eightfold Path—mindfully choosing which seeds we water.
As practitioners, we develop mindfulness to discern what we consume, which waters certain seeds within us. Are we nourishing compassion and stability, or are we reinforcing fear, anxiety, and anger? Consumption directly impacts our capacity to engage difficult situations with clarity and compassion.
Jo Confino: Saying “no” can reflect deep compassion. Boundaries prevent us from being harmed while still tending to others. Avoiding extremes, like using kindness to hide our feelings or aggression to shield them, leads to the Middle Way. This balance, like a playground seesaw, requires embracing both compassion and anger while finding the steady pivot in between. Being the fulcrum helps us remain grounded as emotions rise and fall, allowing for a healthy and balanced approach to life’s challenges.
Navigate burnout, relieve stress, and reconnect with your inner joy with mindfulness and compassion practices inspired by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.
